Julie loved her Family

Enclosed are some photos when Julie is in remission. These are with her parents. I still do not know how my parents are so strong after losing a child. Mother took many pictures in the past. I will give my children more Hugs, and kisses if they let me.

Pictures of Julie in Remission

I was very negative about Julies last few months, in my last post. I went to Mother's house and found some beautiful pictures of Julie in the 90's, these are the images I try to remember. She loved her family, especially John. Enjoy these Pics of her. Thank you for visiting this blog, before her one year of her passing. Pray for John her Husband, she loved him so much. John is writing a Biography, and he determined to finish it for Her sake. I will see John tonight at Moms, I do not know what it is like losing your spouse. I would be devastated without My Sue. Kiss the one you love more often. You never know how long they are going to be in your life. I am not ashamed of my sadness, it will heal.

Almost one Year { Julies Death}

I have been dreading April 8th, 2009. I still cannot believe Julie is gone. The aches of her death are less. Why do I cry for no reason at all, especially when I am alone? I have been going to a Men's group every Thursday, I talk about sadness,grief and physical pain of Mourning. I write on this Blog, scanning photos,poems and memories.

I see her gifts and resemblances in our children, and family members. When hearing or reading about someone dying of Cancer, I relapse, as if I am in room 8115A at Ann Arbor watching Julie's slow fade of Death. I try to be a optimistic when hearing other struggles. I find myself sticking up for the person who does not want to do that radical treatment, to live extra longer. If Julie did not go for the Bone Marrow treatment, she would still be here, in pain, but still here. Instead she died a cruel death of Host vs Graph, with her insides burning up.

It does not go away, the horror of Cancer, once you witness it,your infected with a cursed look at life. I am trying to move on, and have been doing well, I think. I cannot erase the image of Julie dying, morphed up, and drowning from fluid, in her lungs. The last day I was their, I counted each breath per minute, and they became less and less. The horrible sound of water gurgling from her lungs. I do not know what is worse, having Cancer, or Witnessing it.

On the eighth of April, I will visit her Ivory bones, I pray those Images I recalled do not happen.
I am trying to erase each morbid moment, unlike, the last time she squeezed my latexed hands watching "The Wizard of Oz"