Back to work.

I just was called back to work. I write about things that happen when things are down. I have learned from this experience of being laid off. Working with people from the cannery. Witnessing people with less than I in the food bank lines. The decision to eat or pay bills. If you have never been down, you do not appreciate the up.

Our children understand blessings, and they know what is not necessary in life. I spent five months with My wife and children, what a blessing. The curse of the Time clock, office can soil your perspective of your family responsibilities. I did not write this blog for pittance, or attention, I write for those who can't. I put this blog on Face book, I am wondering if it is a Good idea. Writing is good for the mind, and relieves stress, maybe those who read can do this too.

Julie my sister gave me a book called "Letters to a young poet" and my favorite quote is "No one can advise or help you-no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reasons that commands you to write, see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night:Must I write?" "Letters to a Young Poet" page 6 Rainer Maria Rilke.

I must write, if I am lucky people will enjoy it, but words last longer than your warm breaths on this earth. I am blessed to have the words and stories of Deceased sister Julie. Someday my children will understand their father's sense of direction, his troubles and bits of happiness.

Julies fourty sixth Birthday

JULIES FOURTY SIXTH BIRTHDAY

Arriving at Mother's house I release my vision.

My words echo off Jewel's particles in the Blue House.

Your whispers are a "Blizzard of thought," at 617 Oscar Street.

John,Sue and I arrive at your grave amazed.

A snowplow heaved two large layers of snow on your Stone.

Surrounded by dirty green grass melted from yesterday's warm breeze.

Grabbing the ice scraper from the Ford Van.

Carving a Crystal cake on your coffin.

Shivering, placing six rows of eight candles minus two.

Huddling around you forming a ring from the storm.

Lighting the candles, Singing "happy Birthday."

You dance painlessly , arms flailing "Happy".

Dame's "Dude" is present, and inches of memories fall in haste.

Sticking our tounges out,tasting every morsel.

The years burn bright, warming our chilled hearts.

Watching flames descend toward your bones.


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Happy Birthday Julie from your favorite Brother.

Moving down a level in America?

I grew up in a middle class family. My father worked six days a week. Mother stayed home and raised her children. Trying to keep the same lifestyle is getting harder. Sue and I have been married for twenty years, we have three children. Andrew is eighteen, Nicholas is sixteen and Hannah is eleven. The dream of being middle class is over.

I just took a job at a cannery, I am surrounded by my new class, the uninsured, and overworked. The job with all, is going away. I do not criticize my current employer, for they are having a hard time keeping employees. It is just a adjustment to be a semi -class citizen. We just cannot assume that we are entitiled to anything. Sue and I have been both working full time to full fill the middle class dream. Why do we reach for more and more and find out we are destined to fail.

I could get my old job back, and go back to that consumer driven status. I am cooking rice with beans, scourging around the cupboards for food. I can buy food, but then I cannot pay my bills. It is hard to adjust to the glacier effect of the fading economy. Their are people doing well, their are wealthy people too, I am not criticizing those who have. Dealing with children who want clothes, shoes, and other things is easy when your prosperous. Now I am "them" the complaints of Hannah not eating breakfast because their is no cereal,or special foods. The simple task of paying for a haircut, or other services.

I am surrounded by generous people,our piano teacher will not take any money till I am in a better place, we owe her five months of back pay for two children. The church gives us meat, Gleaner's trucks and the Methodist church provides us with adequate food every week. We are blessed with those who are in our circle. It just hurts physically, emotionally I am having a "cloud of depsair" follow me , I have no way of running away or solving the issues.

I think and know when I am older we will appreciate the finacial change in our life,the children understand they must get too thier own destinations by thier self. Working side by side with migrant workers,people like me I am learning. My cheerful coworkers who have had never had but have so much, maybe I can learn.