Living daily without Julie.

I have been called back from work for over a year. I have not been writing, only thinking about writing. Many great things have happened since Julies passing, in my family. Last week my oldest Son Andrew has his first college Concert,playing the Tuba. Julie loved the band and Music. I so wanted her next to me as he played his first concert.

I am dealing with Julie's loss one day at a time. Julie would talk to me and listen to my thoughts and dreams. She would tell me that I am the greatest brother in the world. I know if anybody reads this, they have lost someone like Julie. I write this to be closer to her, she lived off words thoughts and dreams.

I have this hole in my heart, since she is gone. I try to fill it up with food, Church, family,etc... The draft chills my whole body, I ache for her voice, hugs and punches. The only way I can soothe the wounds is with words. I know she with me, I just have to look for her.

We saved Julie's book collection last year. The rotten smell of mold wetness and death finally left them, after sitting in my garage. I came across some money and had a beautiful bookcase made in my basement. I could of got new floors, or took a vacation, but I needed to take care of the only thing I have of her. Next to me as I type these words are her books. Julie has a Edward Lear collection, a Russian Folklore collection and poetry. I know she worked so hard to collect these books,obsessively. Some of them have yellow post it notes, with her dust on them.

I am losing the battle some days, today I feel closer to her spirit as I type. While I work at the factory on third shift, I hear radios, humming lights and blowers. I will feel a chill in my chest, and weep for Julie. This happens every day, for about thirty seconds, and then I go back to work. I have been blessed with a good job, family, and having Julie in my life.

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