Another Thanksgiving without Julie.

Thanksgiving without Julie 2012


The family was all there, except John and Martel. It is never the same without Julie. Julie's spirit was felt around the table as we sat around the big table. Mom had it in the basement, the same yellow walls, mismatched tables,plates glasses and utensils. We get along better,  Sue and Brenda and I, She would of wanted it that way.

John was not there, Julie was his balance, kept him centered, pray for John and Martel as they live without Julie in there life.Brenda and Rick's children are beautiful and smart, all things have worked out for all of us siblings. Angel, Sue's oldest daughter drove up with Chris her boyfriend and Ra Ra and Anika. Micheal was with his father, who just passed away today, he needs some prayers too.

You can see the emptiness in a parents eyes as they miss their Children who have gone before them at a holiday, their light is shadowed by the sadness. We prayed, talked and ate well. Mom made beef ribs,Soul food style Mac and Cheese, and several deserts. I know Julie is in a bettter place, but Thanksgiving and Christmas were her favorite holidays. Dad  and Mother sat alone together, Father is changing, less vibrant, the same man just getting older.

The whole family went to Snug Harbor, in North Muskegon Michigan, and walked on the trail. Julie loved this stuff, we embraced the moment. Brenda and Sue's kids climbed the hill looking over Lake Michigan.

Brenda Sue and I talked like we were small children it was nice. Julie was proud too see the peace from above.

seizure 6

Seizure 6

Last night I was talkin to Johnny.

Being late for my Sunday double time, unable to punch the clock.

We spoke of Julie, His lass my last friend.

Rushing to the FACTORY-just in time-less than 30 minutes late.

 Eight hours of silence, just the sound of double time.

The bell rings, we rush out to the parking lot.

Tiny people in the big Industrial glass ball.

Slowly getting ready for Church,  he sleeps.

"Get your ass out of bed Son it's time for church!"

I walk the dog's take a nap, dress and start the car.

"If you want to ride with me get off the couch!" I yell.

My baby boy smiles with kindness absorbing my anger.

Driving west, he hit's me in the face.

Violently shaking, I am helpless.

Pulling over, he roll's his eyes,breathing hard.

Getting rolled, hit hard inside,by mysterious beasts.

"Jesus I hate this." Cursing him for making my son a "Prizefighter."

Watching helpless, 3 rounds of a severe beating.

Screaming "Julie stop this up there, comfort my son."

 As his ass get's pounded. Taking each punch and kick.

Driving home,he awakes- unaware-unaware........unaware... unaware

A new begining. again

We are trying to start again. My wife and I realize we can't fix everything. It is in Gods Hands.
Every time I try to fix things without God. It doesn't work. I must let Christ centered people help us deal with are daily problems. See I just admitted what needs to be done. That is the first step.  Life is difficult, I must accept that I cannot go solo with challenge. James chapter 1 talks about this. Our Pastor gave a sermon about this chapter. Perseverance Perseverance ........................



I work nights-trying to sleep during the day.
Pray for me and my family. My son needs healing from a broken back- epilepsy and dysfunctional parents.
Julie is not here on Earth to talk to. I miss my Sister. She suffered 10 times as much as I have, and persevered. Salt and Light was her gift, Blindness from the glare and High blood pressure from her" Light and Salt diet." Now I see things differently without her. Life is bland tedious and depressing.

There is hope. I acknowledge  this, I am child of God. Jesus his son died on the cross for me so I can be "Born again." The answer is there. I am bombarded y Media-Sounds- and smells that deprive me from my sisters Salt and Light diet. God could write a book called


"Salt and light diet."

written by God-co written by his son Jesus.

I would read it if was at the library. Sue would by it on he I pad.

God and Jesus would be on Oprah. Dr Oz would endorse it. The next week

another book would be published, people would forget about it.

This book is here now it is the Holy Bible, I have a hard time reading it.

I need to start again. Thanks for reading my blog whoever you are. I am just a Factory worker,
working for A Publicly traded Company. God is not in the Factory. God is not in the Stock market.
God is in each and every one of us. You and are are equal in Gods eyes. The world is just a mist.

I am working with other's to deal with daily problems that I cannot fix.

Flawed


I never call my Sisters.not even on thier Birthday.

Nephews and Nieces never see thier Uncle Tony.

I don't want any friends.

They ask thing from you and betray.

I judge others above myself.

Julie always loved me.

Why did she have to leave?

My strengths are others weakness.

A Master of none, never getting a Degree.

Yet I always have enough Money.

My wife always loves ME.

Why God do you give me blessings?

Andrew-Nicholas-Hannah

When I am "Flawed."

Cleveland Airport

I'm sitting next to my wife.

Her friends are chatting-Blah Blah

Who is this man sweeping the carpet with pan.

Plastic bottles, small bits of paper.

Using  a old yellow straw broom.

The handle is worn from his callous grip.

Wandering the "D" terminal zig zagging.

Aged,ebony,hunched over-salt and pepper hair.

I am lonely,next to my Bride.

Missing work-family-chaos.

Wanting to talk to this Holy blue shirted employee.

Hearing foreign languages-terrible background music.

Cowardly not asking "How is day Is."

Contemplating-regrets-doing nothing.

"We are material, bits and pieces."

Yet "He" waits to sweep us up.

MaryKay bound dallas

My wife sue is getting her ring in Dallas. I am so proud of her. We will be visiting her friends sister in fort worth. I am going to see some horses and art. I hope we have fun. We will be together without children,work or family. I hope this isnangood expierience. While I aw at work I thought about cake. We heve birthday cake.julie my sister had several cakes. Birthday cake First communion cake Graduation cake Wedding cake Funeral cake. I miss. Her. But Julie loved brownies. Julie is eating decadent chocolate brownies and strong coffee in heaven. Someday we will be eating cake together. I hope the journey I take will lead me their.

Sue is a MK Sales Director

My wife sue has been involved in Mary Kay for over ten years. Julie would be proud that after her fourth time she has finally qualified for Sales Director.My wife and Julie both never give up on something they set their mind on. I will be watching her walk on the stage at Dallas this Summer. I am a pessimist she is a optimist. I believed in her. We both prayed, and together we both worked on this goal. I was patient, and praying, she was persevering and stubborn, I am so proud of my -wife Sue Moulds Independent Mary Kay consultant.

Faith-Julie Rybicki Moulds

I was at church today. I have doubts about Christianity. I am reassured of my faith though. At a class after church, I realized, were a set of chipped and flawed dishes. Misery sadness and doubt is part of my faith. Jesus is my only way out without self destruction.

Opening my mouth I cursed and embarrassed the group with my course tongue, I hope I did not offend anyone in my group. I have real bad ADD< I have a hard time reading, I can think and write. My absorbency of reading is like a stone.

I am bitter of people who can read and talk about God in a polished way. I am a pessimistic Christian. The glass is half empty because I am not worthy of the rest of the water.
Religion is so simple, but people make it so complicated.

 Julie lived her faith, never quoted a Scripture, threw the Jesus word around a statement. I miss her. Standard Christians were  and not like Julie. She was light in my darkness, salt in my flavorless walk.

Julie surrounded herself with relics of the Catholic faith. Mother Mary- Books on Saints- Crucifixes-Statues.
When she died I received her book collection on Christianity. She studied all faiths of Christianity. Protestant. and Catholic. Cancer and Christianity, that was her battle. I think all the materials surrounding her were their to steal and absorb her bad cells.

Julie loved God and Jesus and Mary.

She tried to make a deal.

Healing was the goal.

Now they have her soul.

While I toil below.

I read the whole blog.

Four years ago she died. Julie rybicki Moulds lived a full life. I looked at all the photos and poems she wrote her first 24 years of her life and was healed. I must remember her healthy life before I dwell on her last fifteen years.
Today Hannah my daughter will sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" with her ukulele, we will cry, and miss Julie.

John and Julie were blessed to have each other and we were all blessed to have known Julie. Easter Sunday is going to be a sad day. I will be thankful for the time I had with her. Learn from her life, follow her to Heaven.

Sue Brenda John Dave Angie and I miss you Julie. 

It's close. The End -The beginning.

 This Sunday April 8th I will celebrate Easter with my family. If you are a Christian, on this day Jesus rose from the dead, and saved us from eternal sin. I am not looking forward to this day. If you visit Julie's grave at St James Catholic Church in Montague,(I have a map to it in a previous post.) Their is a (station's of the cross)walking path less than 30 meters from her grave.
  Julie was a devout Catholic,she enjoyed the tradition and way it was presented. I will walk on this Folk-Art style path, and think of Julie, who is with Jesus. Angry at the reasons why she suffered,just like Jesus, happy she is in no pain eating chocolate drinking coffee spectating at my life as a Angel. I hear her saying "Go Tony your my favorite Brother" as I go to work in the Aviation parts  factory every night from 11pm to 7 am, the silence of the night only helps me hear her voice through the hum of florescent lights and the grinding if Nickel alloy parts.

Regardless April 8th is the day she stopped breathing from Host vs Graft, I am no doctor, just a witness of the cruel slow death. Jesus had a cruel slow death on the Cross,  Julie can have a discussion and compare notes with Jesus in Heaven.  All I know is at Mount Calvary Cemetery is a Box with her bones, she is not their just her Earthly  dust-bones. Sue my sister will pour coffee on her coffin from above through the grass. I will sprinkle chocolate on her grave, we will talk to her skeleton. I hope she sees us above, gets a laugh and continues on with a discussion with Edward  Lear, or Amy Walker her childhood friend,. Thier is so much to do in Heaven I assume. We are down on Earth toiling, trying to exist-trying to take care of our love ones. Should I be the envious one about Julie, I will never know till We see her again. Death is not supposed to be the end in the Christian Faith, but the beginning.

"MY FATHER IS A SONGBIRD.'

Mathew 6:25 "Look of the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, yet your heavenly father feeds them." NIV


"MY FATHER'S A SONGBIRD"

It's Friday morning, I am painting Mom and Dad's bathroom.

Taping the walls with the door open, hearing only my
"Fathers voice."

The sealer primer numbs my four senses.

While in my birth home,
Memories and sounds come back.

When I was a child"Dad" "soared High."

With the Eagles caring me on his wings.

{Providing-Protecting us from harm.}

Embracing family-faithful-never complaining.

Working in a factory forty three years "Caged"

Edging the wall trim Father is repeating the same sounds.

"wiping the chipped Blue and White tiles, I realize.....

"My Father is a songbird"

Frail-small-wrinkled with Brown and white hair.

Today he is a Sparrow, sitting on the "Lazy Boy"
Smiling.

The morning Sun slowly transcends

Through a thick glass picture window.

I am rolling on the milky white primer.

Hearing Mother's grateful replies.

Answering each others calls.

She never tire's of Dave's voice.

Dad makes sounds that are "Gods Breath."

I feel the the breeze in the stagnant bathroom.

Painting I realize from the vapors.

Father is living by the moment.

Sitting across from Dad, he is grinning.

Saying same sentence .

Wanting this moment to never end...

When All The world Is Old

I received a copy of "When all THE World is Old", John Rybicki is my brother in law. The words he writes about Julie's life are real. I want everybody to know that you must read this book if you want to understand Julie's second half of her life. I try to focus on the first half, John had the second half.

Dealing with grief, I started this blog to remember her healthy life before Cancer. When someone you love dies
in a painful, morbid way, than memory stains the rest of her life. I have learned the beginning is just as important as the end of your life.

Thank you for reading my blog Dedicated to Julie and John. 

Rybickireadings

Rybickireadings


John is reading in my hometown. I am so excited, buy the book, enjoy. Remember Julie.
 Click on the sight above.

Tony her favorite brother.

The Artist poem Julie Moulds Rybicki

THE ARTIST

Many artists,
Capture a feeling,
And a time,
In a painting

What I see,
And you see,
In a painting,
May be worlds
  apart

   But,
If an artist
finds joy and happiness,
and himself in his painting
No matter what we think
   Then
The painting is truly beautiful

The late Julie Moulds 8th grade.

Love Poem

Love


Love is a four letter word,
Used in attempting to capture
   a feeling,
That cannot be captured-
            And
Should not be confined to
Such a small space, and such
a narrow definition.

The late Julie Moulds Rybicki 8th grade

Julie rybicki Moulds Jr High Poetry "PERSON CODE"

Person Code

I am a person,
Even though the world may not always
understand or acknowledge who I am-
No matter if any one tries to change
me, to make me a duplicate, and even
if I appear to be one,
I am not and never will be one.
__________________

Every moment is new and real,
Reality is necessary. Duplicates
are never as good as the original
And who wants to go through life
with the burden of a mask anyway?
___________________

If people do not see your inner beauty,
than either you are hiding it,
or they are to shallow of a person to see it.
And if you are hiding it than
you are afraid of them not accepting
you as you really are.....and if they
were really your friends,you would not
be afraid to do so....
__________________

Don't over accent your faults or under-
accent them; no one is perfect, and,
by acting like you are, you are really
lowering yourself.
__________________

Do not judge people and keep an open
mind,
And at least you will go through life
seeing a Little more than a person's
outer shell.....

The late Julie Moulds 8th grade

Thank Julie for writing these words, I feel your hear telling
me in person. You have never changed. I miss you so much.
Thank you John Rybicki for giving me her words as a youth, I feel
 her breath as I read her thoughts.

Tony her favorite brother.
--